She was crushed and cried for days. Her self-esteem was a wreck. One day, shortly after this, Tony was chatting with Cynthia on IM. He could sense she was very sad. He asked what the matter was and she told him that Dave had left her. Tony truly felt sorry for Cynthia, as she sounded very distraught, yet he couldn’t help feel glad that she was available again. Fitting, he thought, that Dave would deliver his parting thoughts in writing, instead of in person. She only lived an hour drive away and he thought of offering to meet up with her to have a cup of coffee and chat but her emotional wall was even higher now and he felt himself being pushed away too. He was further saddened when she withdrew further from chatting and logged on less and less. Chapter Two If anything though, Cynthia was a fighter and slowly she started to come around. It still hurt deeply but she got better at burying it. Like most women she did this by fortifying her emotional wall, which made it harder for other. You get me here, somebody you know sells her body for money, somebody who doesn’t exactly have the finer things in life, somebody who might be unhappy and vulnerable. And you sit there in judgment of me, feeling better than me in every way, and you tell me things to make me start thinking about shit I try hard not to think about so I can survive, so I can feed my baby. You’re using me the same way, except you’re not fucking my body, you’re fucking my mind. And it gets you off. It excites you every time you get to corner someone and judge them, feel superior to them. You’re a john, you just don’t know it, and you’re no better than the others.’ ‘Superior? Certainly not.’ Saul said, and seemed completely unruffled, like an acting coach who had just watched a student rattle off a chunk of dialogue. ‘I am a wretched sinner, utterly depraved and unworthy of my Maker. There is nothing in my body or my soul which makes me anything less than despicable to my Lord. When I compare myself to.
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